


Hostile, Thoughtful

by portraitoftheartist



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, Normal AU, Pining, Punk AU, Song Inspired, band au, bass player baz, drummer penny, im probably the only one using this tag, inspired by a Car Seat Headrest song, penny baz and micah have a band, vocalist baz, will toledo after seeing my "hire me posts" on my art accs n seeing these fics: fuck off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:40:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24812485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/portraitoftheartist/pseuds/portraitoftheartist
Summary: It is the last gig Micah gets to play with the band, before he returns back to America. Simon has never made it to one of their gigs and promises Penny to be there tonight.– punk band au; Penny on drums, Baz as vocalist and bassist, Micah as the guitarist
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Hostile, Thoughtful

**Author's Note:**

> Penny on drums, Micah playing guitar, Baz signing and playing the bas. How did these three form a band? Beats me (for now).
> 
> Dedicating this to B. (just like any other CSH related thing I do) Thank you for introducing me to Carry On & CSH and feeding this AU idea with me <3
> 
> also, you can find me on tumblr as theladyofskeletons (main blog) come and talk !!!

_It all starts with the drums and the moment he opens his mouth._

Here is Simon Snow, at a little pub on a Friday night. Finally accepting one of the many invitations Penny actually took the time to write down on paper to attend one of her band's gigs. He knew before she could play the drums and knowing Penny, it was a guarantee she was amazing at it. But he never had the time to see them live until now.

“Come on Simon! This is Micah’s last gig with us before he returns back to America. You owe us at least this one visit!” Penny said one day in the middle of their study date and who was he to deny her and tell her no. And frankly, he had been wanting to see them live for quite some time, the never ending tales of their rehearsals and gig mishaps…

So he finds a way to escape Dean Mage’s grasp and attention tonight and finds himself at the crowded pub, waiting for his friends to get on stage.

He can see Penny and Micah going up first, setting up their instruments and doing some sound check. As he watches them discuss amongst themselves, it occurs to him that he never met the third member of the band. _Was that the vocalist? Or the bassist_?

 _I think Penny had told me the bloke was both of these things,_ he thinks. Sure, maybe he isn’t that into the whole music act but even he knows that’s quite unusual and sounds a bit stuck-up.

Most people in the pub are there to enjoy their Friday evening with friends over a few drinks but he can see the people checking the stage with their eyes every few minute, they must’ve gathered an audience for themselves after all that playing. _Didn’t Penny say they usually do song covers though?_

He is interrupted from his thoughts he hears the heavy “ **thud** ” of a boot stepping onto the stage suddenly. Long stylish hair, dark clothes to surround his figure and fit him perfectly as if they were tailored _just for him_. Dark paint around the eyes and upper half of his face, _what was it that Penny said about that disguise_? He cannot remember. The nonchalant walk up to Penny to exchange a few words and then putting on his bas and tapping on the mic to check if it’s on. _Yep, that must be the vocalist/bassist_. He seems a bit too posh to be in a heavily _punk_ themed band. But Simon cannot deny the fact that he seems to be fit and good looking. The black paint seems to highlight his sharp features under the dim lighting. The purple glitter spread over his cheekbones, adding a pinch of _not-so-needed_ charisma and doing his face _wonders_.

They begin without a word or a warning. Only Penny hitting her drumsticks in rhythm, an unsaid “and two-three-four!” hanging in the air.

**I never see the threat too soon**

The moment he starts singing, Simon feels something shift in the air surrounding him.

**  
The blood on the bandage, the ghost in the room**

His throat runs dry, as if he is the one on stage, performing in front of hundreds of eyes.

**Got a canvas as white as the moon / But when I see it at night, it's a sickening blue**

The vocalist’s voice is low so far and it feels a fuzzy feeling on his skin. Leaves Simon aching, searching for something he cannot name.

**I was thinking people never change / But there's a new taste of dread that I cannot explain**  
**And the thoughts that make up my life / Get reflected in others from time to time**

The guitar enters, the voice a bit louder, but it sounds to be lacking something still. Looking for something, searching through the room like a bat echo locating.

**Now I've got another question / And if we run out of time, can we make an exception?**

A new element enters his singing. Starting to sound more like he means as he signs, as if he was the writer of the lyrics and is the one asking.

**Got a piece that needs completion**

Every other words seems to trail off, leaving Simon alone with the aching emptiness of his heart, a place waiting to be filled, stinging a little as he sees Penny and Micah share knowing looks and hidden smiles, secret promises and silent words of love.

**Oh, temptation / I could be a part of you**

Simon finds himself drawn towards the vocalist as the words leave his lips. “ _Yes_!” he wants to shout, raise his hands, make a scene, make a move, to be seen and to be held. “ _Yes_!” he wants whisper to the brooding figure, wrapping his hands around him, taking in his scent. “ _Yes_.” He wants to say to someone he does not even know, does not recognize, someone hiding behind a mask of paint. His ears fell deaf to voice of Penny’s back vocals.

And the next thing he knows, Simon’s eyes are locked with _his_.

**Am I, am I, am I, am I on your mind?**

He can hear the mild wonder in his tone, the small hint of amusement too. Almost as if he is directly asking Simon _himself_. He wonders if they’ve met at the campus before.

The world seems to stop from that moment on.

Everything around him is a blur of colors and voices. Eyes focused on him and only him, ears perking up at his voice, he cannot divert his gaze. Feeling a tug at his soul, he wants to walk towards to stage, to him. To reach out, get lost in his raspy voice, stay wrapped by this bubbly feeling surrounding him forever. In that moment, he feels himself floating in space, with _him_ by his side, eyes never leaving one another, following each move.

The vocalist’s voice tones down a bit, just as the music. They begin the new verse.

Simon remembers Penny complaining about him and his performances. How he can be one with the music they make or sing it so soulless, if it doesn’t speak to him. He figures this song must.

The excitement in his voice is as clear as day, as blue as the sky, as warm as the scones Simon likes to have and as real as the never dying ambition to keep learning Penny seems to have.

He feels more real than anything else Simon has ever laid eyes on; vibrant, beaming with passion and emotion, ethereal, capturing everyone’s attention, making everyone long for him. Yet his eyes are set on one person only and that is Simon.

His voice keeps raising, building up with the song itself. With each word, he raises his head. With each word that leaves his lips, there’s a gleam in his eyes. Burning through Simon, looking into his soul with such care and understanding no one could possibly offer him before.

He is offering him the world, everything he has and does not have. His belongings, titles, his love and his sorrow, his feelings and future. He is offering everything Simon could have wished for and will wish for, every small thing he longed for, every major thing he prayed for. He is ready to give it all up, leave everything behind, to start a revolution overnight. He is ready to risk it all. And all his eyes ask in return is _Simon_.

He seems to tilt his head in a weird manner as he says the word “hallway”. Does this mean they’ve seen each other before? Have they met in the hallway? Is it possible Simon read his movements wrong and overthinking something that never occurred? The way he looks at Simon says he knows exactly what he is thinking and the questions he is asking.

And when the chanting of “ ** _I feel it_** ”s and “ ** _You’ll feel it_** ”s start, Simon is enchanted all over. Getting lost in the movement of his lips, his fingers, the piercing looks in his eyes; Simon finds himself drawn to him like a sailor is to a siren.

The chorus begins again, with Penny’s contribution, his voice still dominating the room and Simon’s thoughts. The song, and the rest of the night, passes by without a notice.

A hand hitting his back, Simon is pulled out of his trance. He looks around to see their little gig has come to an end and trails the room for him with little hope, remembering the time Penny had said he leaves as soon as they finish.

“So, what do you think? Pretty good for an amateur band?” Penny asks with a smile on his face, sweat dropping from her forehead.

Simon just nods with a smile, not trusting himself to speak or make any coherent sound. They stay there for a while, having a drink, Micah and Penny packing up their things from the backstage as well as their guitar and drum stick. The bartender waves hurriedly at them, showing them the photos taken from the gig, their last gig together. After that, they leave the pub, returning to their welcoming beds.

Simon cannot stop thinking about long slick hair, gray captivating eyes.


End file.
